My 40th Birthday Surprise

Part of my success philosophy is having success in ALL areas of life -- not just business. It is all too often that I see successful business owners and professionals put all their energy into their work and neglect one of the core foundations of their life -- family.

So I share with you this story with a feeling of pride that my family surprised me for my 40th birthday. First of all, I was working again this year on my birthday. I spoke for James Malinchak's College Speaking Success Bootcamp in Los Angeles on "Connecting the Dots: How to Get a Massive Return on Investment from this Event." And I was leaving three days later for my big celebration trip to Europe (see pcitures on my Travel Blog.) But I really wanted to have a party and I couldn't figure out how to pull it together. Many of my friends were out of town that weekend and I couldn't help feeling a bit bummed out.

Friday night of my birthday weekend my honey suggested we have a nice dinner out with his daughter. Never one to say no to an opportunity NOT to cook, I said sure. I barely put on makeup and a decent outfit. Mark suggested Italian. I say sure. He said, "How about that place over by the mall, I think it's Maggiannos?" I thought, interesting choice, he doesn't usually like that place but I sure do.

I remember on the way over thinking, is it possible that my family is getting together this weekend? Maybe on Sunday night for dinner? Maybe that's a surprise? Wouldn't it be amazing if my brother was there? But a fleeting thought that left right away.

Even as we walked into reservations, Mark said, "Mark, party of 3." The host said, "right this way sir." At this point I'm completely oblivious but a part of me is thinking, "Why are we going down this hall towards the private dining area?" Two seconds later, my entire family including aunts & uncles, are yelling surprise. Of course my eyes welled up because I was so overwhelmed with gratitude that everyone had flown in -- excpet, of course, my brother, from the East Coast.

So they finally get me seated and we settle in. I notice a couple of empty chairs. I glance around the room to see who wasn't seated -- and then, two small hands are covering my eyes saying, "Guess who?"

I ponder for a moment. Who is missing? Who could it be? The next voice was much deeper and said, "Happy Birthday Sweetie."

Well I flipped around and saw my brother and my nephew standing there. Well then the tears were really rolling. I love and adore my brother. We live so far away it is hard to see each other regularly. To top it all off, he has spent the last year in a very difficult divorce and we've been on the phone weekly. I've been missing him and had tried to get him to meet me in New York in June while I'm on my layover. But he wouldn't commit! Now I knew why.

Why did I share this story? Because spending time with my family is precious. Knowing that turning 40 was a big event and that they wanted to be there with me touched my heart in a way that I knew everything I've worked for makes sense. Being an entrepreneur was a choice I made so that I could make a difference not just in my life, but in the lives of everyone I touch.

The key conspirator behind the scheme was my sister. She apparently has been planning this for over a year. Here is my sister, Kerry and my niece. I must say that my family really got me this time. I was very unsuspecting and it was a flawless surprise. Mark, my honey, really had me going to the point where I was amost mad that he didnt' have plans for us.

The celebration was special from start to finish -- multiple days of beach, playing cards, eating big family dinners and just hanging out. I was in heaven.

Because I set my own schedule, I could take off three days before my three week vacation and really just be with my family.

To complete my birthday, I had a very special experience. My mom, who brought me into this world, joined me for the my speaking engagement. During my presentation, I shared with everyone who she was and that it was my birthday. It is quite a rush to have 80 people sing you "Happy Birthday." But afterwords, many people in the room came over and thanked my mom, telling her what a difference I had made in their life. So really, I was able to give my mom one of the best gifts in the world on my birthday -- pride.

It turned out to be a GREAT birthday that I'll remember forever. Now what we will do to top that for my 50th birthday? =-)

Sales Ethics: When Did It Become Okay to Lie?
By Ari Galper, Founder of Unlock The Game

** Note from Melanie. A friend of mine, Ari Galper, is one of the best resources to help increase sales. He recently posted this article and it is so powerful and so important that I want to share it with you now. I highly recommend signing up for his ezine.**

For the past couple of days, I’ve been kicking around in my head something that happened during a conference call last week with a company that hired me to train their sales people over the phone. It’s the kind of experience I’ve had trouble forgetting because it was such a stark conflict with everything I was brought up to believe about the difference between right and wrong. Here’s what happened.

I was on a conference call with the sales team of a large telecommunications company. As part of the call, I asked one team member to role-play a cold call with me. He said, “Ring-ring,” and I said, “Hello, this is Ari.” He said, “Hi, Ari, my name is Michael, and I’m hoping you can help me out for a moment.” I thought to myself, “So far, so good,” and replied, “Sure.” “We’re taking a short survey to help us determine if our products really meet the needs of our market, and I’d like to ask you a few questions.”

I was about to reply, “Okay, what questions do you have?” because it seemed like a reasonable request. But a split second later, it hit me. I paused, thought for a moment, and then stepped out of our role play and said, “Are you really taking a survey? Or is that just a ‘technique’ to try and engage the person your calling?”

He said very matter-of-factly, “Yes, that’s what we use here when we cold call.” And I said, without even thinking about, “Wait a second, isn’t that a lie? I mean, you said were conducting a survey, but in reality you aren’t. You’re using it as a trick to get the other person to engage with you on the phone.”

All of a sudden, everybody on the call got quiet -- so quiet, you could hear a pin drop. Then finally the VP spoke up. “Well, Ari,” he said in a calm voice, “I never looked at it from that perspective. But you’re right. It really isn’t the truth.”

In a minute, I’ll let you know how the rest of the call went, but first let me ask just one question: WHY HAS LYING BECOME AN ACCEPTABLE WAY OF SELLING?

I don’t know about you, but at home when I was growing up, my parents taught me to always be truthful and that lying was a bad thing. But notice how, for this sales team, lying was sort of “Ho-hum, just another day at work.” Not telling the truth was a perfectly acceptable way of doing business. You can imagine how much this threw me. Everything I teach in Unlock The Game is about being open, transparent, and honest, and above all, about always seeking the truth of the other person, which is the basis of any honest human relationship.

Does Lying Really Overcome Resistance?
You see, I’ve sat in many of those old-school selling programs taught by the “sales gurus” who in a very subtle manner tell people there’s nothing wrong with using “techniques” to get the sale. Fake “surveys” are only one of those “techniques”. There lots of them, including things like pretending to be returning a message when making a cold call. This is designed to confuse the prospect and lower their resistance. The bottom line is, these “gurus” are saying loud and clear: in the selling process, not telling the truth is justified. And they justify this sort of thinking and behavior because they say it’s the only way to overcome sales resistance.

Well, my friend, that’s the core reason why traditional selling has gotten such a bad name and why “salesperson” has become such a negative stereotype. What the “sales gurus” don’t understand is that “resistance” is a reaction to traditional sales techniques. They’re the ones creating the vicious cycle, and they don’t even know it. And they have no idea how to break that cycle either. They don’t understand that if you stop using self-serving and sometimes downright unethical sales thinking and sales techniques, you won’t get resistance from prospects. Then, the selling process will stop being a push and pull cat-and-mouse game. It’ll turn into a human relationship.

Why the End Never Justifies the Means
With the Mindset, the end never justifies the means. Working from the Mindset means focusing on letting trust grow so you can discover your prospect’s truth. If you’re not telling the truth, that makes trust impossible. Here are some differences between the two ways of thinking so you can think about which one feels right for you…

Traditional Sales Thinking
When getting the sale is all that matters...
* Use every technique you can to make the sale
* It's okay to bend the truth or lie if it'll make the sale happen
* Go for the "yes." If you hear a "no," push and pursuade harder to turn it into a "yes."

The Mindset Approach
When learning your prospect's truth is all that matters...
* Create a conversation and build a relationship of trust.
* Focus on finding out whether you can help your prospect solve their problems or issues.
* If you always tell the truth, your prospect will tell you their truth.
* Focus on the "fit." Create conversation that explores whether you're a match or not.

Now, Back to the Phone Call…
Now I’ll tell you what happened next, after that awkward silence with the VP and sales team on the training call. I explained to them that traditional selling had gotten so embedded in their minds that it had clouded their sense of right and wrong. By the way, everyone on the call was comfortable with what I was saying. They got it immediately as soon as I pointed it out. I could even hear them sighing with relief as they realized that their new Mindset skills would help them eliminate resistance from the sales process. They now understood how and why they’d veered off the ethical path, and that it’s ok to let go of something that deep down inside felt wrong. And I really respected their openness to recognizing that.

How Would You Like to Be Treated?
Visitors to my website who are considering ordering the Mastery Program often ask me why the Mindset is different from all the other sales programs out there. I always tell them, “It’s a different way of thinking based on integrity, honesty, and truth.” It’s like this…forget about business for a moment and think about your own personal life. Do you want relationships with people who are comfortable not telling you the truth?

Well, selling is a relationship too, and you can probably understand why “techniques” endorsed by traditional sales trainers make building a genuine human relationship virtually impossible.